Sean Cooney

Please introduce yourself

My name is Sean (he/him) and I was born in Melbourne so long ago that the Beatles were still together. I grew up in Victoria although I’ve spent a lot of time living overseas. I studied law and languages but after a few years, I decided legal practice wasn’t really for me, and I’ve worked in higher education and in UN roles for most of my career. Outside work, I hang out with ocean swimmers, tennis types and folk musicians (I’m the worst musician in my band but they seem to tolerate me :)

Please tell us a little about how you see yourself, in terms of being bi+ / multi-gender attracted?

When I’m asked about my sexuality, I say I am queer or bi.

What would you like to share with us about your experience of being bi+?

When I was growing up the terms queer and bi weren’t used, or at least not in a positive way. I found it difficult to work myself out. I knew I was attracted to men, but I was also attracted to women, so I didn’t seem to fit in any “camp” as it were. I was very lucky at university, way back in the 1980s, to meet people who were very open to different sexualities. These included students in political and social movements, but also many in progressive religious groups. Through them I ended up connecting with people from many cultures all over the world.

Since my late teens I’ve been in out relationships with both women and men. For many years I was married to a wonderful woman and we have three adult daughters. My current relationship is with a very lovely man who co-parents a younger daughter.

Looking back, I find that there were some times when I was more out than others. When my kids were young, for instance, I didn’t really talk about my sexuality much, except to my partner and my close family, colleagues and friends. I wasn’t sure that society in general at that time would be particularly understanding, and that that could rebound on my family. But when my kids reached their teens, I introduced them to a former boyfriend. They were quite unfazed, except that they were surprised that I’d gone out with a smoker.

Nowadays, I am much more out – I have a bi flag on my keyring at work that people can easily notice. I travel a lot overseas though and sadly in some places I have to leave the keyring at home as it’s not possible to be out safely at all.

Getting to know other out bi people has been hugely important to me. Some of my closest friends are bi -we “get” each other. Despite that, I’ve noticed that there is a kind of spectrum of bisexualities, among the people I know, no two persons’ attractions or experiences are exactly the same. And sometimes attractions seem fluid over time.

I certainly don’t think there is any one right way to be bi, but I do know that having friends and community can help a person flourish. I also believe that being out is good for the soul, though I appreciate that it’s often not safe or possible for everyone to do this. I look forward to a time when, like my kids, society is unfazed by, and indeed supportive of, different orientations and identities.